Learning to Love Our Whole Selves
There is so much we dislike about ourselves, and we struggle with personal obstacles we wish we could overcome. Unfortunately, it is much easier to ignore or resent our needs which are a part of what makes us unique. This is a huge problem we must all face.
Love is the answer. It really is.
When we let go of our fight to be anything other than who we are, love seeps in.
Loving our physical imperfections:
We have physical imperfections - all of us. Ours are unique to our own bodies. Some are visible and many are invisible. I am no exception to this rule.
When I was younger, I disliked the way I looked. I disliked this so much that seeing my reflection in the mirror was often a shock and a surprise. This stemmed from a mismatch between how I felt I looked and how I actually did.
Fast forward to me at age 30 and my struggle with my physical self was hitting its peak. Now appearance wasn't the issue, it was being partially disabled. When I finished medical school, this got much worse. The pain and weakness in my joints affected every aspect of my life. My only constant was pain - even breathing hurt!
How on earth can we love our physical bodies when they seem to betray us? For most of us, our goal for medical care is for our physical and mental health to get out of our way. We demand a cure and reject anything that falls short. Anyone with a chronic disease knows that this only works so well and for so long. In the end, those who heal and find peace have learned to love and treat themselves kindly.
Four leaf clovers are an example of imperfection that we value and appreciate.
Loving our mental/emotional imperfections:
Why do I always make the same mistakes? Why can't I seem to learn and move on? Why can't I be more like the people I admire? Why can't I just...? Why am I the way I am?
One lesson I have learned from a dear teacher of mine, Pixie Lighthorse, is to have the courage to work narrow and deep. Nowhere is this more potent than in doing our own inner work. We can look back on our lives and figure out who we were before we started conforming to someone else's opinion of who we should be. Who were we when we were free to be ourselves?
This is big work, hard work, scary and important work. It's great work to do in the dark while we hunker down and wait for Summer to return with all its energy for action. It's great work to do before we start planning for the next year. It's great work to do before making major life choices. This work brings us back to loving ourselves because it helps us understand ourselves, our values, and set goals for what we really want.
This is also work to be done with support! If we could do everything all by ourselves we already would have, and the world wouldn't be so full of helping professions. It's smart to seek an expert familiar with this work and partner with them; I'm doing this myself. Remember, you are the expert in you, and they are the expert in how we hide the truth from ourselves.
Egos be warned, feedback, contemplation, and healing are sure to ensue.
The goal here isn't to change and evolve (although this often happens), the goal is to better understand ourselves and see our patterns in a new light. When we understand why we keep falling into the same traps, we can approach ourselves with more kindness, acceptance, and love.
Learning how to care for ourselves:
This is one of the hardest tasks we face in life. It's easy to treat ourselves and to care for others. Learning how to care for ourselves (parent ourselves) is hard - just as hard, if not harder, than raising a 3 year old or teenager - I speak from personal experience on this one.
There is a big difference between giving ourselves what we want and giving ourselves what we need. We may want comfort food, booze, and a shopping spree, but is this what we need right now? (Hint, sometimes the answer can be yes!) Take stock of how often are you treating yourself. If it's big treats nearly every day, this isn't treating this is an addiction. If you hold all pleasure at bay until you "earn it", that's unhealthy too.
Think about a 3 year old. This 3 year old is crying, throwing things, hitting, and demanding more toys and candy. Is that what they need? It would sure quiet them down for a few minutes and give you some quiet, but I bet they actually need a nap, some cuddles to help them feel safe, and perhaps some food. When you seek comfort in a shopping spree or a glass of wine, is this really what you want or are you covering up for something else you need but may be ashamed or unwilling to ask for?
When we love ourselves, we learn to recognize our needs and what happens when we don't get them. See that picture up there of me with a nice rash around my mouth and up my cheek? My body is telling me it needs something. For me, I know it means I need to check in on my diet, sleep, stress and grief. My body gives me a check engine light, and I'm learning how to recognize this. This is love. Love isn't blind, it sees our flaws, it accepts them, and it helps us learn to live successfully with them. Even those we love the most get on our nerves sometimes!
Declaring our love to the world:
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all recognize our flaws and declare our love for them to the world? Imagine how diverse and interesting a world full of people who love themselves fully would be. It would put some industries out of business, but it would make room for new and more healthy ones.
I will start:
I am Dr. Danielle Currey. I am quite short with funny eyebrows. I have psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis but they don't define me. I struggle with anxiety and feelings of self doubt that lead me to really really want people to like me. I am afraid of being seen as foolish, and so I have a hard time accepting feedback. I am successfully healing which includes accepting and testing my limitations, and I've NEVER felt better.
I love me. I love you. I hope you love you too!
To our health,
Dr. Currey
